October 8, 2011
In a couple of weeks is going to be 3 years since my last boyfriend. I remember I used to feel some jealousy and insecurities often without reason, other times provoked by hungry hyenas. As the years passed I’ve noticed that, fortunately, the insecurities have decreased and weakened in proportion to self confidence gain; fading into emptiness, I love it. I was talking to a friend and we agreed that being single on the island has become a kind of threat for some women who have boyfriends or husbands. When I had a boyfriend I lived some jealousy from other girls, due to their insecurities, I don´t want to imagine how it must be now that I´m single. Luckily I have great friends where there is no room for jealousy or distrust, I adore my girls from here and there.
My friend told me that she doesn’t go out anymore with her girlfriends cause their boyfriends don’t like their women going out by themselves. Therefore my friend ended up going out with male friends. It’s very common to see old style relationships where woman is often left home or leaves early while the boyfriend or hubby in question stays longer and continues his nocturnal wanderings with other purposes beyond having fun with his friends.
Also noteworthy are the jail relationships where the couples live in a dungeon; both are prisoners of a mutual distrust. Submerged in an ocean of jealousy and insecurities, they become slaves of their own suspicions and doubts, mistrusting the rest of the planet. They used to end up isolating their friends and themselves. Consequently, when the man is out alone becomes a Miura who will try to take any woman who crosses his path.
Sentinel woman and man.
The guard woman doubts everybody, especially her female friends: hence jeopardizing the friendship with soap opera style consequences, really tacky. They run away from their friends, don’t let their men even to breath, and live in a denial stage without realizing what’s going on around them, blaming the innocent ones. The man is forced to lie to her in order to have a break to see his friends and share an innocent beer with them.
The sentinel man benefits from different qualities. We have the one who criticizes his woman, argues about everything in front of everyone causing social isolation. Then comes the player, he is smart and knows how to live life. He goes out with his chick to specific places meticulously chosen by him; the selected ones where they can have their couple status in the light. When she goes home early, he enjoys another parallel world where the role of a single guy is the one who leads the rest of the night. Everybody is happy. It is a symbiotic relationship ideal for those who love to live in denial.
It am surprised that some people can live like this. Prisoners, without light, and caged in a routine where, generally, man does whatever he wants while women are engaged to a silent slavery, a relationship where opinion has no place, to be able to think or have a voice is an utopia, dress the way you want is something you see in the movies, and having a social life doesn’t exist anymore.
But there are ideal matches. Couples where everyone is free to be, love each other by the way they are, and mutual respect and confidence rule every day. The couples I talk about radiate their own light, a special glow. Each one retains its own personality and individuality, and when together are like a supernova without the danger of their light becoming extinct though. They treasure their social lives, common friends and themselves becoming an unstoppable team that will reach, with ups and downs, its goals. The respect for each other is so palpable that flaws and silly things are left aside for love is more powerful than minutiae. There are partners where to be or the self is something genuine, innate, there is no space for I have to ask permission or I can’t or he or she doesn’t let me. These couples always have and always will some hyenas lurking nearby trying to cause some distortion. They orbit around like a corrode satellite attempting to eclipse the light. We have them in our daily routine and may appear in the most unexpected moment, in a restaurant, our favorite night club ruining the night because we don´t want to make a scene (education comes first), cause we know people in common … Here is when the man stands up for the woman he loves leaving those hyenas in awe shutting them out. Yes, I have seen that recently and there are still men who don’t hesitate to shut up some people’s mouths.
Being a slave of your own insecurities and jealousy is the worst feeling you could ever had. Sure many of us lived in some sort of cage of own and other’s jealousy… it’s good to recognize it and let your self being, let naturalness and spontaneity flow through your veins, be you, trust, live and let live. Get rid of the invisible chains that tie you to an obscure world full of lies and insecurities. There are still wonderful couples that I wish will last forever.